deset

How many men does it take to change a roof? Two, me and Pete (with a bit of help from toothless Ivan, an 83 year old, to pass up a few ridge tiles right at the end – I always knew he was a glory boy).

It’s official, Pete and I have actually done something to be proud of. Our barn, arguably the best building on site, was in a sorry stake after we raided the roof for stone plotches to repair the roof on the house. Worried that it wouldn’t last the winter without a roof, we decided that our challenge, with or without Anika Rice (who I hear still gets excited when the chopper goes up), was to repair and re-tile the roof in 4 weeks. We decided to use 2^nd hand clay tiles, rather than insisting on more huge stone tiles, to take a bit of weight off and to make our life a bit easier. We put our maths and language skills to the test and bartered good prices for 1800 tiles, 75m of replacement timbers and a decent drill. We also visited a couple of quarries to buy sand and aggregate to mix up a bit of concrete which was interesting… there’s nothing quite like thinking you’re arguing over price when in fact we’re talking about volume and ratio calculations… we got there in the end. For those of you who watched The Smell of Reeves and Mortimer, we bought our tiles from Uncle Peter who turned up for work in his xxs green felt blazer and crumpled top hat, on his home made petrol powered pedal bike – smooth.

So between snow storms we got our act together and got out into the cold in our best thermals and thinsulate to show the locals how real building work is done! And this is what we ended up with:

‘Undulating’ might be one way of describing it, ‘wavy’ perhaps? curvaceous even? Kevin McCloud would definitely call it ‘organic’. Straight lines are for architects and traffic wardens. Anyway, I like it and it’s waterproof which is all that counts.

Before I left, it’s fair to say that my accommodation arrangements were less that comprehensive and upon arrival, it quickly became clear that my back up plan (living in the van) was not really going to be an option with the temperature dropping to a “piss in your pants to stay warm” -7 at night. Miraculously though, an English couple in the village took pity on us and offered to put us up in their spare bungalow for a month! I couldn’t and still cant quite believe how lucky I was…not least because not only did they have a hot shower, flushing sit down toilet and heating, but the guy, Peter, an ex pub landlord, also turned out to be a legend in kitchen. I don’t know when you last had toad in the hole or stew and dumplings, but I can say with some certainty, not recently enough… get on with it… they’re amazing. So next time you’re passing through Burya, I can recommend a night at Peter and Sandra’s place (thanks a million).

While I’ve been playing at building, Sam has been doing some real work, training to be an English Language teacher in Sofia. At only 60-80 hours a week and her first teaching lesson on day 2 of the course, it sounded like a piece of piss really! So yet again, Sam has managed to out do me, passing her course and showing off by using apostrophes in all the right place’s. God I’m funny. It also meant we got to spend a bit more time in Sofia, which I like more each time I go.

So all in all, we’ve had a great time and managed to achieve shit loads. Lots of back patting all round: well done us.

Aside from the construction, and the self appreciation I’ve also been back on the trail of Bulgarian culture. Its a tough, salt laiden job but somebody has to do it. The highlight was definitely a 53^rd birthday party at which we were the special guests. A few glasses of home made wine and grape brandy later, it looked like this:

...good shit, chestit rozden den.

I’ve also decided to have a new feature as part of the blog: Myth busters, where I explain the facts behind some of the words most wondrous mysteries. First up, super models.

There is a reason that more supermodels come from eastern Europe than anywhere else, and on my last trip to Veliko Turnovo, I found out what it is: Carrots, shit loads of them. Sat in a pizzeria, chomping my way through a 12” diavolo with extra everything, I heard a girl on the next table order a salad, a carrot salad. It sounded like an uninspiring side dish, at best, but I guessed it might be ok to break up the mass of cheese on the pizzas. Little did I realise that a carrot salad could make up a whole meal, especially when it comprises just a huge pile of grated carrot. For 2 hours the girl sat, picking at her ‘salad’ no doubt enjoying every orange mouthful. She did at least have the dignity to wash it down will a full fat coke. It was obviously not as fulfilling as she hoped, as she only managed half of it – the fat cow.

I’m back in the uk for a while and will hopefully catch up with everyone. Back for more Bulgarian adventures in the spring if Tesco will give me the time off.

Ciao Ciao za sega

devet

well well well - here we are again. After a bit of an extended stay in the uk we're back in the land of salty cheese and rancid grape brandy... and its quite exciting. Having already splashed out on lunch and dinner for 2 in Sofia, we find ourselves around £13 down... must have been that bottle of wine at the vegie pectopant, what a rip!

We're off to Veliko Turnovo tomorrow to meet up with Pete and assess how leaky our roof has become... or in fact whether we still have a roof. Bets at the moment are around 7:4 against.

We are back here for 6 weeks to try and sure up the house and barn ready for winter... and to get Sam ready to teach cornish to the bulgarian masses next spring. She will be living it up in studentski grad the party capital of sofia whilst I will be more likley found in a pool of mud beneath a few sticks in the middle of nowhere... surrounded by old women brandishing a plethora of pumpkin rice puddings.

I'll try and post a few piccys of the place once I have had the chance to assess the damage so you can all have a good laugh, although little miss teacher is gonna steal my lap top so my blogging might become a bit more short and sweet - yeah yeah, I know, about time (losers).

Thanks to my mum who has been a ledge over the last couple of months putting up with us while we have been pissing about (aka eating her food and drinking her booze... the record to beat being 3 and half bottles of port in one night) and to mr alan mcqueer (see below) who got me a job and forced me to eat 12 slices of pizza at the all you can eat hut buffet in the process... mmmm mmm felt like going back to work that afternoon let me tell you.



whats worse than a cardboard box? paper tits

Peace out for now e leka nosht

osem

It’s been a little while since my last effort and much has happened in the last month. Sam’s mum Wendy and her fiancé Bob have been to see us, our roof has been ‘completed’ and I have had my first bout of proper dihorea; apologies to those reading this at lunch… too much information.

We hear that most of the uk is now underwater and that there is no point in us coming back without an ark. I only really get glimpses of the news on Bulgarian TV but from what I can work out, some Scottish man with webbed feet and gills has taken over the country and is steadily flooding those parts of the nation under opposition control… sounds like a good idea for a film, maybe I’ll see if big Kev Costner is available?

We have had no such difficulties here. The current Bulgarian premier may rule with a iron, well at least Pyrex fist, but even he has been unable to do any work in the near African heat. Today it was reported that it was 44.5 degrees in Sevlievo making it the hottest town in Bulgaria – as if with me and sam here it wasn’t already. It is possible to convert that into Fahrenheit for those of you who don’t speak European, but it involves maths; take it from me it was hot, unbearably so. As such I have spent the last couple of days with heat stroke, which wasn’t pleasant, and Burya (the village where the house is) has been without water for about a week. As yet, I am pleased to report there has been no infighting at the village shop and it may well still be possible to buy a drink without the need for a police escort.

Crikey, I’ve just read the above and it sounds as though I’ve become a political in my not quite middle age. I will try to reel it in a bit – only had one glass of wine and everything.

So… Sam and I had our first trip to the black sea coast to meet Wendy and Bob. First up was Varna, the ‘big’ city on the coast which apparently has mafiosa connections, but in fact is more like a small, down market version of Barcelona. That may be hyping it up a bit, but after 3 months in middle Bulgaria, a city with shops containing things that you might want to buy, a beech with some cool looking bars, a few museums, a big park and a couple of roman ruins was quite exciting. The roman ruins are generally not well protected as they would be at home, modern roads, houses and blocks of flats seems to have been built over and in some places into the ancient remains of the city. From what I have read the place was in it’s heyday around 568BC, well before the Romans arrived to conquer and rebuild the city. So I guess in many ways, the city has continually evolved to suit its current inhabitants without much regard for their predecessors; a trait common throughout Bulgaria I suppose. We also introduced Wendy and Bob to a number of Bulgarian delicacies at a funny little restaurant and had a great evening polished off with a rakir and a night with air con... ooh what I’d give for that tonight! We then went down to Sozopol, another historic town on the black sea coast. It was one of the places Pete and I visited and the first we really liked last time we were here and it is still a great little town, although it’s growing at rate of knots. Thankfully the old town cant grow any bigger, it’s sat on a peninsular between 2 beeches and the old harbour. We wandered about the old town, sat on the beech and drank beer in little courtyard bars… what more do you want?

It was the first time Sam and I had met Bob so we thought we should get him a little present to make him feel welcome. My sister tells me that the internet is becoming more user generated and interactive so here goes: The back of Bob’s present said:

“Product feture: The easy self-colleet **** ***** cleaner we devised is elaborate made from abroad material, it is the requisite to modern home kitchen. This product own clean **** ***** easy, safety and healthy, lightness and durability. The Best You Used”

The first person to identify what this is wins 100 stotinki and a kilo of salty cheese of their choice. The winner will be revealed in the next edition of dull quiz monthly. PS: the grammar and spelling errors are not mine for once.

I have finally stuck some photos onto Flickr as well now. Only a couple cos it takes me 5 years to upload them here, but I’m sure you will agree the gratuitous shot of me working was well worth the effort!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/94644729@N00/

HOUSE UPDATE

I didn’t update on the house last time cos nothing much was happening. However, we now have a roof (which only needs minor work from us to put it right… which is a miracle here apparently) and it looks pretty good.

In finishing the roof, the builders put on a final theatrical flourish for us… kolyo (aka Colin) collapsed one day with a suspected heart attack and was ambulanced off to the hospital… turns out to be ok and is back at work 3 days later. No problem we are told, he was a bit hot.

Pete, Sam and I are currently trying to fit a ceiling before she and I return to the uk for a month or so. No doubt you will find out whether we succeed when we see you. We also have mr purple and his wife from up the road digging a big hole for our septic tank which will eventually look after our grey water.

The tomatoes are looking good although I suspect our drought will kill most of them so here is proof that we nearly grew something to eat.

I‘m off to eat some more of Sam’s delicious lemon drizzle cake,

Ciao Ciao za sega